Arch-swindler Moist Van Lipwig never believed his confidence crimes were hanging offenses -- until he found himself with a noose tightly around his neck, dropping through a trapdoor, and falling into ... a government job?
By all rights, Moist should have met his maker. Instead, it's Lord Vetinari, supreme ruler of Ankh-Morpork, who promptly offers him a job as Postmaster. Since his only other option is a nonliving one, Moist accepts the position -- and the hulking golem watchdog who comes along with it, just in case Moist was considering abandoning his responsibilities prematurely.
Getting the moribund Postal Service up and running again, however, may be a near-impossible task, what with literally mountains of decades-old undelivered mail clogging every nook and cranny of the broken-down post office building; and with only a few creaky old postmen and one rather unstable, pin-obsessed youth available to deliver it. Worse still, Moist could swear the mail is talking to him. Worst of all, it means taking on the gargantuan, money-hungry Grand Trunk clacks communication monopoly and its bloodthirsty piratical head, Mr. Reacher Gilt.
But it says on the building neither rain nor snow nor glo m of ni t ... Inspiring words (admittedly, some of the bronze letters have been stolen), and for once in his wretched life Moist is going to fight. And if the bold and impossible are what's called for, he'll do it -- in order to move the mail, continue breathing, get the girl, and specially deliver that invaluable commodity that every human being (not to mention troll, dwarf, and, yes, even golem) requires: hope.
Kingdoms wobble, crowns topple and knives flash on the magical Discworld as the statutory three witches meddle in royal politics. But Granny Weatherwax (of Equal Rites) and her fellow coven members find it's all a lot more difficult than playwrights would have you believe . .
Everything you'd expect is here - hunchbacked kings, lost crowns and disguised heirs. And they are joined by things you haven't heard of yet, like a stage-struck thunderstorm and the first recorded instance of the in-flight refuelling of a broomstick.
Through it all the wyrd sisters ("This cauldron's got all 'yuk' in it!") battle against frightful odds to put the rightful king on the throne.
At least, that's what they think. . .
"Wyrd Sisters" is the sixth of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, which are now well-established as the funniest fantasy series ever - and among the funniest novels of any kind currently being published.
In "The Colour of Magic", the singularly inept and cowardly wizard Rincewind, Twoflower, the Discworld's first tourist, and his remarkable Luggage, were last seen falling off its edge, with nohelp in sight.
In this sequel, the Discworld is moving towards a seemingly inevitable collision with a malevolent red star, and it has only one possible saviour.
Unfortunately this happens to be Rincewind. . .
A sourcerer is born - a wizard so powerful that by comparison all other magic is just mucking around in pointy hats.
And his very existence brings the Discworld, which is of course flat and rides through space on the back of an enormous turtle, to the very verge of all-out thaumaturgical war*.
All that stands in the way is Rincewind, the failed magician, whowants to save the world, or at least that part of it which containshim. More new characters join the Discworld adventure: Conina the barbarian hairdresser, Nijel the Destroyer (whose mother still makes him wear woolly underwear) and possibly the first yuppie genie, who's into lamps as a growth area.
This time the adventure goes east, or hubwards, or whatever. It doesn't simply draw heavily on "Omar Khayyam", "Raiders of the Lost Ark", the "1001 Nights" and every Arabian B-movie ever made, it scribbles on them as well. . .
* A bad thing
Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch had it all. But now he's back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck... Living in the past is hard. Dying in the past is incredibly easy. But he must survive, because he has a job to do. He must track down a murderer, teach his younger self how to be a good copper and change the outcome of a bloody rebellion. There's a problem: if he wins, he's got no wife, no child, no future... A Discworld Tale of One City, with a full chorus of street urchins, ladies of negotiable affection, rebels, secret policemen and other children of the revolution. Truth! Justice! Freedom! And a Hard-boiled Egg!
Cameras roll - which means the imps inside have to paint really fast - in the fantastic Discworld when the alchemists discover the magic of the silver screen.
But what is the dark secret of Holy Wood hill?
As the alien clich's of Tinsel Town pour into the world, it's up to the Disc's first film stars to find out. . .
THRILL as Victor Tugelbend ("Can't sing. Can't dance. Can handlea sword a little") and Theda Withel ("I come from a little town you've probably never even heard of") battle the forces of evil and cinema advertising. . .
EAT POPCORN as you watch the filming of "Blown Away", the oddest Civil War picture ever made. . .
A Passionate Saga Set Against the Background of a World Gone Mad!
This Will Amaze You!
With a Thousand Elephants!
In "Mort", Terry Pratchett returns to "Discworld", the setting for his popular series of comic fantasy novels, "The Colour of Magic", "The Light Fantastic", and "Equal Rites".
Mort is an unpromising, gangling teenager who becomes as apprentice toDeath, but proves less than gifted at his new task of ushering souls out of the world. In fact, when it comes to the rather attractive Princess Keli (due to be assassinated) Mort fluffs it completely. He kills the assassin instead, thus interfering with the implacable workings of Fate. But reality isn't changed so easily; history as it should have been begins to take shape around Keli's city-state of Sto Lat. Can Mort save Keli before she is squeezed out of existence?
Death, having delegated much of his work to Mort, is displaying disturbingly human characteristics: drinking, dice-playing and becoming curious about the nature of fun. Mort, meanwhile, is becoming much less cheery and showing a worrying tendency to
"Be a MAN in the City Watch! The City watch needs MEN!"
But what it's "got" includes Corporal Carrot (technically a dwarf),Lance-constable Cuddy (really a dwarf), Lance-constable Detritus(a troll), Lance-constable Angua (a woman ... most of the time)and Corporal Nobbs (disqualified from the human race for shoving).
And they need all the help they can get. Because there's evil inthe air and murder afoot and something very nasty in the streets.
It'd help if it could all be sorted out by noon, because that's when Captain Vimes is officially retiring, handing in his badge and getting married.
And since this is Ankh-Morpork, noon promises to be not just high, but stinking.
A weather cock has risen from the sea of Discworld, and suddenly you can tell which way the wind is blowing.
A new land has surfaced, and so have old feuds.
And as two armies march, Commander Vimes of Ankh-Morpork City Watch has got just a few hours to deal with a crime so big that there's no law against it. It's called "war".
He's facing unpleasant foes who are out to get him... that's just the people on his side. The enemy might be even worse. And his pocket Dis-organiser says he's got Die under `Things To Do Today'.
But he'd better not, because the world's cleverest inventor and itsmost devious politician are on their way to the battlefield with alittle package that's guaranteed to stop a battle...
Discworld goes to war, with armies of sardines, warriors, fishermen, squid and at least one very camp follower.
"Of all the cities in the world it could have flown into, it flew into mine. . "
Some night-time prowler is turning the citizens of Ankh-Morpork, greatest city of the fantasy Discworld*, into something resembling small charcoal biscuits.
And that's a real problem for Captain Vimes of the City Watch, who must tramp the mean streets of the city searching for a seventy-foot-long fire-breathing dragon which, he believes, can help him with their enquiries.
In a city thrown into turmoil by magic, charcoal biscuits, secret societies and mad lady dragon breeders ("Just tell him 'sit' if he'sothering you"), he's just looking for the facts.
* Which is flat and rides through space on the back of four elephants who stand on the shell of an enormous turtle, as every scholar knows.
Plodding through the eternal void is the great turtle A'Tuin. On his back (or hers - the question is unresolved) stand four elephants.
And supported on the elephants' shoulders is. . . Discworld, planet of magic and misadventure!
Predicting his own death, the wizard Drum Billet sets out to pass on his power and his staff to his predicted successor, the eighth son of an eighth son. But there is a problem. The eighth son turns out to be a daughter, and women aren't supposed to be wizards.("Where does it say women can't be wizards? It doesn't say it anywhere, it says it everywhere.")
But it's too late: Eskarina inherits the wizard's staff, and with the reluctant help of the witch Granny Weatherwax sets out to learn her new calling.
Tiffany Aching - a hag from a long line of hags - is trying out her witchy talents again as she is plunged into yet another adventure when she leaves home and is apprenticed to a 'real' witch. This time, will the thievin' , fightin' and drinkin' skills of the Wee Free Men be of use or must Tiffany rely on her own abilities?
Terry Pratchett has invented a phantasmagorical universe in which a blissfully naive interplanetary tourist called Two-flower joins up with a drop-out wizard whose spells only seem to work half of the time.
Together they undertake a chaotic voyage through a crazy world filled with monsters and dragons, heroes and knaves. Pratchett has taken the sword and sorcery fantasy tradition and turned it in its ear to create an entertaining and bizarre spoof.
Cohen the Barbarian.He's been a legend in his own lifetime.He can remember the good old days of high adventure, when being a Hero meant one didn't have to worry about aching backs and lawyers and civilization.But these days, he can't always remember just where he put his teeth...So now, with his ancient (yet still trusty) sword and new walking stick in hand, Cohen gathers a group of his old -- very old -- friends to embark on one final quest. He's going to climb the highest mountain of Discworld and meet the gods.It's time the Last Hero in the world returns what the first hero stole. Trouble is, that'll mean the end of the world, if no one stops him in time.
It was a sudden strange fancy, and now Polly Perks, in her brother's clothes and her hair cut off, has joined up to fight for her country. But who is the enemy? What is she really fighting for? War teaches you a lot, she finds, when it turns out that you joined the Monstrous Regiment.
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